Friday, July 08, 2011

No need or must?

I wonder how many out there thinks that an apology should come naturally rather than asked.

The past few days were horrible for me. I only found comfort when I go out with my friends and my little girl who were sweet and attentive to this broken soul. Luckily I had an order from AW that actually took my mind off for a day or two but still I find myself breaking into pieces.

During the last week of June holiday, I got news that my son now has ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder). Heard about this before? For me, this is definitely my first.

Starting from June till now, I didn’t really get peace at home or rather whenever he is around. He will do things to irritate me. I tried to hold my tongue, I tried to ignore but eventually I couldn’t take it anymore. After all, I need to set the house rule right as I still have a 9 years old that I needed her to abide the rules.

For friends who know me well, I treasure things a lot. Thus for me to take a phone and threw it across the room is something that I myself were shocked!

Miraculously it survived the ordeal, not even a scratch! But I was left with a small bruise and a sore on my foot. Perhaps you might say that I deserved it, for he threw his ear plug with a metal chain attached to it at my foot.

That gave me the excuse to confiscate the ear plug.

That evening, I was totally gone. I couldn’t stop crying. Not even when my hubby’s long time friend, KC arrived and joined us for dinner. Time for me to surrender.

My story didn’t end here.

The next day, he demanded his ear plug back as he needed it to do a school project. My helper returned it to him and off he went to school. In the evening, he made a nasty remark.

Thanks to me, he got detention and some demerit points as he couldn’t hand in his project for he couldn’t find his ear plug in his bag!

His dad gave him a scolding but didn’t demand an apology to me. Guess what, this morning; he woke up with a big attitude. He asked the helper to open the door for him. As she is attending to my little girl, she asked him to wait a while and he got irritated and shouted at her to open the door!

In my opinion, because he got away with the rudeness last night, thus he became more arrogant with his attitude.

I guess in time to come, all the female in this house will have no standing and we will be like slaves.

Now I only pray that my princess will not take any bad out of this learning journey and still maintain a sweet angel like she is now. She is my only comfort and I am so blessed to have her to give me that strength to carry on.

As for the dinner we had with KC, the credit all goes to my helper. I only flipped the books and pointed the dishes to serve.

This is Vietnamese Crab Quiche. I had some leftover the next day and V ate it and love it.


My daughter is strange for she is the only kid that I know that enjoys century egg.

Beancurd with minced meat and century egg.


Another version of Braised Five Spice Belly Pork. This one, the sauce is darker and thicker.


Stir Fried Bok Choy with Prawns.


and for dessert we had Sesame Ice Cream. Unfortunately we were so engrossed in the conversation that I didn't manage a shot before serving. So here is our melted ice cream.


I know I have to be strong and positive and I know I have to change to the can't be bothered attitude but as it is not me, I find it soooo challenging.

It is hard for a mother to watch a child digging his own grave and falling into it and couldn't do anything to protect him.

But I know I have to back off to save him from further harm and believe me, this is so tough and I admired those who can do it so easily.

Being parents in this era is totally different from ours.
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  1. Gee, Edith, I just don't know what to say! I must say, you REALLY are a very very patient person. I probably would have a depression from those incidents!
    However, I think, no matter how bad the situation is, we still must remain our composition and not lose our hopes as parents. I really salute your patience, and empathise your suffering from your son. Whatever it is, persevere on. I'm sure when he grows up, he will truly understand what his dear mum has done for him!

  2. I felt so sad and sorry for you and your son. Please continue to pray. Please assure him that you love him despite of his rude "attitude". Honestly, he may be crying for your love and trying to irritate you to get your attention as he knows and could be jealous with hatred that you love and favour your daughter more than him. Love heals all wounds. I just feel so sad. God Bless. Theresa

  3. I'm sorry to hear your problem with your son. Please let things go your son did in the past. Begin each day with a clean slate and new outlook.

  4. Hi Edith,

    Sorry to hear about that. Not everyone's life is a bed of roses. Sometimes god gives us somethings and not everthing 100% perfectly.

    We have some ups and downs. We just have to learn to accepts our downs and try to cope with it or find ways to overcome it.

    On the surface, may seem like other people's life is a bed of roses. But it may not be true. Not everyone talks openly about their problems so we may think they have no problem and living a good life. In reality, everyone has some sort of problems in life, which may be worst than ours.

    Most importantly, do not give up hope. Just think positive and have faith.


  5. Dear Edith,

    I am in a somewhat similar situation. My 15 year old son is disrespectful and defiant, and I have been in many verbal fights with him.

    In our heart as a mother, we love our son no matter what he has become, and am fearful of him falling into his own pit.

    But I learn in my case it is wise to stand back and take it easy for a period. Let things cool down, and allow relationship to improve. My son needs to be talked to with respect and like an adult. At this stage I can only be a gentle guiding force in the background. I can encourage, but I cannot enforce.

    It is extremely hard, but I am taking one step at a time.

    I hope you will cope better with time and have much better success.

  6. Edith, Your son is at that stage where most teenagers are trying to be a grown-up but not there yet. They feel they know all but don't realise that they are lacking in many ways. Give him some space at times. As long as he doesn't go wayward, let him be. Treat him like an 'adult' and discuss things. Hear him out. Don't be ready to give your opinions yet. Also pray for him to understand.
    Will keep you and your son in my prayers.


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