Thursday, June 16, 2011

I need to get out

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This whole week, the tension at home is unbearable. I am trying so hard to keep both my eyes and my mouth shut tight.

As I don't have a big house, it is near impossible to keep on ignoring those irritating behaviour but I psych myself that I have got to.

My body is slowly being destroyed and if I don't get out of the house, I think my sanity will be too.

D once told me that she admired how some mothers can handle their teens coolly as they are oblivious to it. No matter what nonsense the teens threw at them, they took it as if nothing happened. I wish I can have this will power as well.

Just because he couldn’t get what he wanted, he is set to break and retaliate to all house rules? Do I have to give in to all his demand, abide to his rules whereas for him, he can do whatever he likes and against all house rules that had been set since he was a baby?

Does it meant that he can get away with it because he is a teens?

I just couldn’t figure that out. I remembered when I was in my teens, rules are rules, and it can never be broken. If not, punishment is what I get.

Somehow this doesn’t work anymore. Does it mean that if this doesn’t work, we just give in? How much more I have to do this?

Whatever it is, the tunnel of light is getting dimmer and the hope that I am clinging on so desperately is diminishing slowly.

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So I am getting out of the house to get some fresh air! I am meeting a classmate with a young child. Hopefully seeing them can renew my faith in parenthood and rekindle some fond memories of my son when he was a young child.

Since we are going to have tea at her place, I baked Black Sesame chiffon. Let’s hope she enjoys it. I have long wanted to try sesame chiffon as I love sesame.

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Note: I might have to lower down the sugar as I find it a little too sweet.

Modified from : Okashi

What you need:

70g cake flour
5 egg yolks (60g)
20g brown sugar
20g black sesame paste
60g water
40g canola oil
15g black sesame seeds (as I wasn't sure whether I like that bite)

5 egg white
90g castor sugar
10g corn flour

Method:

Preheat oven to 160 degree. Prepare a 20cm chiffon tin.

Whisk egg yolks, brown sugar and black sesame paste. Add in water and canola oil and blend them well. Add in flour and whisk till it is thick. Fold in the black sesame seeds. Set aside.

Mix sugar and cornflour together.

Beat egg white till foamy. Add sugar mixture into two batches. Beat egg white till stiff.

Add one third of egg white to the yolk batter. Blend well.

Fold in gently the remaining egg white to batter.

Pour into mould and bake for 40min - 1 hour.

Remove and cool upside up.

Unmould when the cake is completely cool.
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13 comments:

  1. Hi, as an educator, I can totally understand ur feelings. Maybe you can try reading "The Five Love Languages of Teenagers" by Gary Chapman, and for your child "The Secret to Teen Power" by Rhonda Byrne. These books may not solve ur pblms, but at least it'll motivate you and your child to move towards a solution : )

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  2. These chiffons are fantastic! I really like being in their mini form.

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  3. I guess I'm in no position to give you any advice on raising a teen. But I do hope the tension will not last long as it can't be good for the relationship, mind and body.  take care and yes get out of sight is an excellent idea!

    Good! I have sesame paste too but so far I've only seen sesame chiffon recipe using sesame powder instead. Thanks, will try.

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  4. Anonymous, thanks for the reading tips. I will look out for this books.

    Zoe, yes they are cute and easy to bake as well.

    Honey Bee Sweets, I know it is not healthy but I am at a lost how else to make it better. By giving in to his demands?

    And try the chiffon coz my friend and helper like it alot.

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  5. Edith the ice-cream looks yummy! perfect for our hot June weather.

    those teenage years are tough right...i too go through such struggle within me...to keep telling them to study, etc etc or just leave them as they are and not affect the mother-child relationship

    its never easy for the mums!

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  6. Hi Edith!

    I have no children but i still remember my rebellious years a few years ago~

    Teens are easily influenced by their peers and usually we consult our friends instead of the parents. The more we are told not to do it, the more we want to do it. We function like a spring coil, the more you compressed, the greater the desire to be released.
    Perhaps you could let him know, he is given the green light to do the things he wants and is treated like an adult. So he will have to be accountable for his actions. For me, if i always get a no for answer from my parents, i wouldnt want to even tell them whatever i was doing, so i do them under the table without their knowledge.

    I think it is important to check that his sphere of friends are not of extremely bad influence. Sorry for the long comment!! i hope your son will understand how much you love him, god bless your family!

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  7. I'm an avid reader of your blog and though being relatively young (I'm 24 this year) I just wanted to share a story about my mom. Hopefully it'll help you through.

    Being the only daughter with divorced parents ever since I was 10, I got all the attention from my mom. She was never the domineering or controlling type. I was a quiet child. Never talked much but never really gave any problems to my parents either.

    My current boyfriend, Z, on the other hand, was a rebellious child. He started smoking when he was 12. His dad caught him in his room puffing away and gave him a tight slap across the face. The very next day, he smoked right in front of his dad's face in the living room. He said to him, "Since you already know, there's no point in me hiding anymore, right?"

    From then on, Z started mixing with gangsters. Never came home until the wee hours of the morning - Some times for days on end. Dropped out of school and wasted his time at snooker clubs and such. He also fathered a child out of wedlock at 20 and ended up marrying the girl, then divorcing 2 years later.

    His parents were heart broken watching him going through this downward spiral as he was the youngest among all the 4 boys. His parents persevered and now, he's a 40 year old man with his own business and yes, he's made many mistakes in the past, he admits but now he realizes how deep his parents' love for him was and is until now.

    I wish you and your family all the best and hope that you and your husband support and motivate each other. I know how you feel as if you're shouldering all this on your own but us, women, tend to think with our emotions and men are how should I say, are less emotionally inclined.

    I am not a mother myself but I'm trying to understand your son's point of view as well. Maybe he doesn't take too well to physical or harsh punishment. All you can do as a parent is counsel him with the best of your abilities. Tell him how you honestly feel and how his behavior is affecting you. There's no need to repeat and rewind as teens these days find that mundane and eventually they'll stop listening. Tell him he's responsible for his own actions and you as a parent only want what's best for him and that you'll be there for him no matter how bad a situation turns out but hope he'll use his intelligence to think wisely about what he wants for his future.

    *big hugs*

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  8. My hubby has been working with teens for the past 20 years and he cautions about the way teens should be handled. " Beware the hormones" is his advise. We have a teenage girl, only child, and we work along this line.

    Hubby's advise is "not to embarrass him in front of others esp his friends. Try not to judge because it worsens matters.

    He talks to them individually ( not talk down ) and asks for their point of view. They may or may not be right but when they feel listened to, the reactions are better.

    May be you can try his method. He is quite popular among teens and some kept in touch with him even when they have graduated from uni.

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  9. Hai

    I am a mother of 3 (1 boy 2 girls) from Miri, Sarawak. They are 17, 15 & 11 years old, so I understand your feelings. As they are now teenagers, I treat my son & daughters like my friends, joke around with them and pretending not to take things too seriously ....you know just be more relax around them. They seems to like it and now tells me almost everything in their everyday life ...like school, friends and all the teenagers stuff .... Just RELAX, SMILE & CONTROL THE TEMPER ....LOL

    P/S like ur blog & good luck

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  10. I have gone thru a very difficult time when my son was in Sec 3 who failed all his subjects and no interest in his studies as he had difficulty in fitting in e S'pore system after spending most of his years in e US. He only started to study hard when he repeated his Sec 3. He felt ashamed of himself and a new group of friends which motivated him to study hard.Now he is doing very well in Poly with aggre 3.9 points eventhough he is in S'pore & we r in the US. Hopefully, he will get into Uni. If you are a Christian, please pray to God & surrender him to God. Theresa from USA.

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  11. audrey, yes these days teens are really hard to handle. Much more difficult that our times I supposed.

    Sweeter side of life, I am trying to let go. Even if he has to hurt himself to learn, I am trying hard to let him experiment it. Hopefully and praying hard that it won't be that painful and too late.

    And yes I do worry about the peers influence.


    Thanks Jean for sharing with me your life story. I really admired your mom. Perhaps one day, I will get to meet her and pick up her parenting skill.

    The Experimental Cook, thanks for sharing your experience. I guess I have a long road to learn how to be a good parent.

    Thanks Caroline for dropping by. I will try to be a friend rather than a mom from now on and definitely trying hard to control that temper. Better to close two eyes and lost him.

    Theresa, I think my son will have to go thru that stage like yours too to learn. But on the other hand as a mom, I really don't wish to but at this stage, I guess it is not up to be to decide anymore.

    I will continue to pray and thanks for being here.

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  12. Dealing with teens is certainly difficult, even though I don't have my own children, I think we have to be very consistent in what we say, if we say no, it means no. I can imagine that it's frustrating, but you're still the 'Madam of the house' and so it's YOUR rules he needs to abide. If he doesn't, take something away he really likes, but never let him get his way, or he will notice that he rebels hard enough he will get his way. I know it's easier said than done - one reason why I don't have children yet...;)!!

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  13. u definitely deserve the "me" time with your friend! I hope things will get better with your son. hang on! :)

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